Assalaamu alaikum!
Today is Friday. 14th of February. Last official school day for me. And last presentation day as well.
So now I just need to be focusing on my exam revision. I haven't started any. But inshaa'allah will do so after this post.
So... Its the 14th of February. As most people all over the world celebrate, it is Valentines Day. Personally, I really feel there is nothing wrong in celebrating it. Forgive me Allah, if it is a sin. But, I feel that one should constantly shower his or her love upon their loved ones every single day, and maybe a little extra during this Valentines Day.
It is Valentines Day. So what have I got to say? I could only relate it to the love, my parents have for me. I have really noticed, for the past few years, without purposely loving and caring for me just around Valentines Day, I feel that the little things they do is what make me feel loved.
Before I begin to say my mother's love for me, I would like to share a little info about my mother. My mother. Basically most of the time me and my mother have fights, I would immediately think of posting all her tortures on my blog, just to ease my pain and maybe have some support from readers to feel that justified.
But all these fights just leave me getting so furious until... until I cry. Yes, the courage that made me talk back (talk back meaning reply back to my mother's question, with no bad intention and just to justify myself), so yeah, the courage that made me talk back, will eventually fade and transform into tears. I would feel so cowardly for crying over things where I am trying get justice.
As you can see, you would have realized that I am over-using the word 'justice', 'justify'. Yes, my mother is so different from me that we always have different opinions and ideas that clash with each other resulting in arguments. But, Rini is not like that. Most of my mother's genes have gone to Rini. As for my Dad's genes, well yes, there are his genes in me, whereby, I try to do good to others (self-praise, hahah!), we like similar tastes in food, have similar ideas and thoughts.
So, as I said in my earlier post (click here to go there), that I have been feeling down, it is because of school, and assignments, and as a result, I have been hating school, and have been skipping classes. This has made my parents upset, especially my mother. And just a few days back, she has been repeatedly telling me, "better go to school, stop thinking of ideas on how to skip school!", etc, etc, etc... She kept on and on and on and on (singing, can't remember which song though, hehe) I was so angry till I shouted "I AM GOING!!!"... Damn, I felt so bad after yelling that out, because each word just got louder as they exited my mouth. As I left the room, and hearing her still 'scolding me', tears flowed through, and just then my Dad walked past scolding my mother saying it was even irritating for him and asked her to keep quiet.
I did not know whether to feel happy that I have support from Dad, (which means that my mother was really irritating at that point of time, AND I was right, or what I was feeling was not wrong, and it surely makes a huge deal for me, as my Dad, do not really support anyone that easily, and if he does, definitely he sides with them!)
So after I finally left my home to school, I was really sad and thought whatever that happened at home. Why did I like scream at my mother? Allah s.w.t says that he is 70 times more merciful than a mother, but why can't I feel the mercy from my mother alone? Why is she so evil? I can't even feel the mercy from my mother, how am I going to feel the mercy from my Creator? These thoughts circulated my mind as I was walking towards the MRT station. Just then I felt a buzz from my handphone.
A SMS. From my mother. "I am very sorry dear", it read. I was shocked. I wanted to reply, "I am very sorry too my dear Mum", but I felt it would mean that she was also wrong, and I didn't want her to know that. Then I wanted to reply, "No, Mum, it is my fault, I should not have talked to you like that", but I felt it was not genuine enough, it looked fake. So "I am very sorry my dear Mum" was my reply. After sending, my eyes were filled with tears. "Oh Allah, You have shown me the mercy of a mother's love, I can't even handle this love, what I am to do when I can feel Your love?" was what I thought as I wiped my tear.
I then realised, I was too emotional. Though I may look strong, I get hurt easily by words and emotions. And hey, this is exactly my mother! This is the rare gene that I have gotten from her! She does not appear to be affectionate, as she puts on a bold front, but deep inside there is love. A mother's love <3
Source:
No comments:
Post a Comment