With the anger inside me, I feel like breaking the glass with tea beside on the floor real hard... I wanna hear the crash, I wanna see the spills, I wanna just make her angry. not just the tea glass, but all the glassware inside the kitchen...
But what will happen next? I will be the one getting punished..
She finds fault in all I do.
Say something, wrong.
Keep quiet, also wrong
Skip school, wrong.
Prepare myself to go school, just that i got late, wrong.
Sleep late, wrong.
Irritated to hear my parents say, "always sleeping late", so slept early, also wrong.
I really wanna just get married, and run off to my husband's house. I really can't bear the torture of my mum.
The above sentence is weird, but i just wanna leave this house ASAP.
She just expects me to be her slave, in the name of 'helping mum with household chores'. She expects too much. She wants to get things done her way, and wants me to know it and act upon it.
Like just a few minutes ago, she had asked me to prepare tea, as I was preparing, I just asked her if I should add milk, as tea made in the morning, was awfully smelly. That question was the turning point. After that, she was all along beside me when I was doing tea. Then she asked why is the floor wet at the place she was standing. And totally blames it on me that I was washing my hands frequently and splattering them all over the floor. I denied and said how could I do that when she was standing there all the while?
I was being serious, but she teased me. So I just left her to do tea herself.
Just as I reached my chair in my room, she called me to take glasses. i just ignored there. then she called again, i just sat there, asking Rini to go. Rini, was doing what I did to my mum and asked me to go myself. Then she called for the third time whereby her tone which started off angrily, ended in a fake, sweet and nice tone, and asked my Dad, if he could hear how many times she have called me already.
At that moment, I HAD to go. I am always stuck in these kind of situations. Then she asked me to pour the tea, just as I took the glass that was near me, she said, "Filter first! Why? Don't I know how to do that? Just leave it, I will do it myself." I just waited as she poured the tea, and she asked me to bring the tea.
I did as she told, and at I heard her say, 'Rini is the best!'...
Yeah whatever! Of course she will be the best if you shower all your love to just your second child! Of course she will be the best if my mistakes seem bigger than hers. Of course she will be the best if I get punished for the mistakes whereby she didn't for the same mistakes! Of course she will be the best if she is your child! And your one and only child!!!!
This is how affected I am. I would bot be surprised at all, when my parents reveal the fact that I am their adopted kid during my 21st birthday. I would not be surprised at ALL!!!!! Definitely, I knew it long ago, so I would not be single percent sad about it bit happy that what I thought to be true is so damn true!!!
And here I am, pouring out all my feelings, crying, sniffing all at the same time.
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