So angry, but unable to do anything about it except cry

With the anger inside me, I feel like breaking the glass with tea beside on the floor real hard... I wanna hear the crash, I wanna see the spills, I wanna just make her angry. not just the tea glass, but all the glassware inside the kitchen...

But what will happen next? I will be the one getting punished.. 

She finds fault in all I do. 

Say something, wrong.

Keep quiet, also wrong

Skip school, wrong.

Prepare myself to go school, just that i got late, wrong.

Sleep late, wrong.

Irritated to hear my parents say, "always sleeping late", so slept early, also wrong.

I really wanna just get married, and run off to my husband's house. I really can't bear the torture of my mum. 

The above sentence is weird, but i just wanna leave this house ASAP.

She just expects me to be her slave, in the name of 'helping mum with household chores'. She expects too much. She wants to get things done her way, and wants me to know it and act upon it. 

Like just a few minutes ago, she had asked me to prepare tea, as I was preparing, I just asked her if I should add milk, as tea made in the morning, was awfully smelly. That question was the turning point. After that, she was all along beside me when I was doing tea. Then she asked why is the floor wet at the place she was standing. And totally blames it on me that I was washing my hands frequently and splattering them all over the floor. I denied and said how could I do that when she was standing there all the while?

I was being serious, but she teased me. So I just left her to do tea herself.

Just as I reached my chair in my room, she called me to take glasses. i just ignored there. then she called again, i just sat there, asking Rini to go. Rini, was doing what I did to my mum and asked me to go myself. Then she called for the third time whereby her tone which started off angrily, ended in a fake, sweet and nice tone, and asked my Dad, if he could hear how many times she have called me already.

At that moment, I HAD to go. I am always stuck in these kind of situations. Then she asked me to pour the tea, just as I took the glass that was near me, she said, "Filter first! Why? Don't I know how to do that? Just leave it, I will do it myself." I just waited as she poured the tea, and she asked me to bring the tea. 

I did as she told, and at I heard her say, 'Rini is the best!'...

Yeah whatever! Of course she will be the best if you shower all your love to just your second child! Of course she will be the best if my mistakes seem bigger than hers. Of course she will be the best if I get punished for the mistakes whereby she didn't for the same mistakes! Of course she will be the best if she is your child! And your one and only child!!!!

This is how affected I am. I would bot be surprised at all, when my parents reveal the fact that I am their adopted kid during my 21st birthday. I would not be surprised at ALL!!!!! Definitely, I knew it long ago, so I would not be single percent sad about it bit happy that what I thought to be true is so damn true!!!

And here I am, pouring out all my feelings, crying, sniffing all at the same time. 

Source:

http://www.wholelattelove.com/error.cfm

http://www.anh-usa.org/

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/

http://afkra.blogspot.sg/

A Mother's Love - Valentines Day Special

Assalaamu alaikum!

Today is Friday. 14th of February. Last official school day for me. And last presentation day as well.

So now I just need to be focusing on my exam revision. I haven't started any. But inshaa'allah will do so after this post.

So... Its the 14th of February. As most people all over the world celebrate, it is Valentines Day. Personally, I really feel there is nothing wrong in celebrating it. Forgive me Allah, if it is a sin. But, I feel that one should constantly shower his or her love upon their loved ones every single day, and maybe a little extra during this Valentines Day.

It is Valentines Day. So what have I got to say? I could only relate it to the love, my parents have for me. I have really noticed, for the past few years, without purposely loving and caring for me just around Valentines Day, I feel that the little things they do is what make me feel loved.

Before I begin to say my mother's love for me, I would like to share a little info about my mother. My mother. Basically most of the time me and my mother have fights, I would immediately think of posting all her tortures on my blog, just to ease my pain and maybe have some support from readers to feel that justified.

But all these fights just leave me getting so furious until... until I cry. Yes, the courage that made me talk back (talk back meaning reply back to my mother's question, with no bad intention and just to justify myself), so yeah, the courage that made me talk back, will eventually fade and transform into tears. I would feel so cowardly for crying over things where I am trying get justice.

As you can see, you would have realized that I am over-using the word 'justice', 'justify'. Yes, my mother is so different from me that we always have different opinions and ideas that clash with each other resulting in arguments. But, Rini is not like that. Most of my mother's genes have gone to Rini. As for my Dad's genes, well yes, there are his genes in me, whereby, I try to do good to others (self-praise, hahah!), we like similar tastes in food, have similar ideas and thoughts.

So, as I said in my earlier post (click here to go there), that I have been feeling down, it is because of school, and assignments, and as a result, I have been hating school, and have been skipping classes. This has made my parents upset, especially my mother. And just a few days back, she has been repeatedly telling me, "better go to school, stop thinking of ideas on how to skip school!", etc, etc, etc... She kept on and on and on and on (singing, can't remember which song though, hehe) I was so angry till I shouted "I AM GOING!!!"... Damn, I felt so bad after yelling that out, because each word just got louder as they exited my mouth. As I left the room, and hearing her still 'scolding me', tears flowed through, and just then my Dad walked past scolding my mother saying it was even irritating for him and asked her to keep quiet.

I did not know whether to feel happy that I have support from Dad, (which means that my mother was really irritating at that point of time, AND I was right, or what I was feeling was not wrong, and it surely makes a huge deal for me, as my Dad, do not really support anyone that easily, and if he does, definitely he sides with them!)

So after I finally left my home to school, I was really sad and thought whatever that happened at home. Why did I like scream at my mother? Allah s.w.t says that he is 70 times more merciful than a mother, but why can't I feel the mercy from my mother alone? Why is she so evil? I can't even feel the mercy from my mother, how am I going to feel the mercy from my Creator? These thoughts circulated my mind as I was walking towards the MRT station. Just then I felt a buzz from my handphone.

A SMS. From my mother. "I am very sorry dear", it read. I was shocked. I wanted to reply, "I am very sorry too my dear Mum", but I felt it would mean that she was also wrong, and I didn't want her to know that. Then I wanted to reply, "No, Mum, it is my fault, I should not have talked to you like that", but I felt it was not genuine enough, it looked fake. So "I am very sorry my dear Mum" was my reply. After sending, my eyes were filled with tears. "Oh Allah, You have shown me the mercy of a mother's love, I can't even handle this love, what I am to do when I can feel Your love?" was what I thought as I wiped my tear.

I then realised, I was too emotional. Though I may look strong, I get hurt easily by words and emotions. And hey, this is exactly my mother! This is the rare gene that I have gotten from her! She does not appear to be affectionate, as she puts on a bold front, but deep inside there is love. A mother's love <3

Source:

http://cinderellafactory.com

http://gamesareforchildren.com

http://twisterinfotech.com/

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

http://annecarolinedrake.com/

http://www.fanpop.com/

- trials in life -

Assalaamu alaikum everyone!

I have been rather down these few days. I really have lost hope in life. I have been always getting problems which some might be due to myself, but I definitely make an effort to solve the problem. But otherwise, the problems I get seem to be solution-less. 

I always think back, why does this ever happen to me? Is there something wrong with me? Is it because of my sins? why? why? why? 

I have not been a good daughter. I have not been a good student. I have not been a good classmate. I have not been a good person accountable for my life.

What do I do? Just then I hear my Mother talking on the phone to her friends. "After coming to this path, we will definitely face problems. Problems from family, relatives, any kind of problem. It is to see who we turn to..." Then I realized all good and bad come from Him. Ihtizah, otherwise known as predetermined fate. We should take the negative parts of our life as our our ihtiza. 

But, to solve these problems, firstly, I would need to be a good Muslim. A good slave to my Owner. 

Inshaa'allah, these problems would soon be over. I would smile again. 

So I hereby, kind of take it as my goal:

- to pray the 5 daily prayers on time

- to make doa, or supplication to Allah

- to read the Qur'an at least once everyday

- do thikir

Very soon, I am going to end my life in polytechnic. After that, inshaa'allah I would be back with another post. Till then, please doa for me.. :)

Sources for images:  

yourstory.com

http://caregivercards.biz/

First post of year 2014

Assalaamu alaikum! 2014 has begun... Everyone is celebrating it, wishing each other, or at least are happy about it. But here I am, "oh, its 2014, ok thanks for the information!" kind of feeling...

Okay lets leave that miserable feeling to 2013... 

So I am gonna start of the 1st post of 2014 with what I like which is GAMES!!! 

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2013 - GAMES

1. FASHION STORY

Well, I think I would have told you all that I am a gamer, so what's new in my game addiction? It is FASHION STORY by Teamlava games. I casually downloaded it to play, as I had gotten bored over (I can't remember well) some word, or card games. I have always loved to play games, that reward you for doing certain tasks, and this has been a truly enjoyable game so far!! 

There is a wall similar to Facebook, where you will be able to communicate to other players as well! Download it and surprise yourself! Some tips I would give for new players would be, do not waste your gems unnecessarily! Gems are rewarded very rarely so treasure them as real gems and use only, i mean ONLY when necessary.

This wall has been an excellent technology that now some players even hold contests such as avatar, boutique, or word contests!! How cool can that be? By the way, read the FAQs for more details, they contain details such as how long your stock can wait after it has arrived and so on. Okay, I have talked too much, lets go to the next game!

(a snapshot of my boutique!!!)

2. RESTAURANT STORY

Now some of those who were not moved to download the FASHION STORY, here is another game, well this may also interest the guys. But shockingly, I have realised that guys also play FASHION STORY!!! I realised this after reading random players walls.Its not that I am against guys who play that game but, I want to know why? 

Okay forget about it, but my bet is that guys will enjoy playing RESTAURANT STORY more! Because instead of ordering clothes, you cook food! I downloaded this game as I needed gems in FASHION STORY... It was a wonderful game but comes in 2nd after FASHION STORY! Note, if a task is shown without the 'milestone', or what do you call it, ah, 'progress bar' at the top, AND it requires to complete it within a certain time frame, you better hurry and complete the task, I mean do not take your own sweet time, because the next task would be shown after completing the 1st one. (this is one reason why I prefer FASHION STORY more) I have come to the stage where there are currently no goals for me to complete, so guess I would be leaving it during my school days. In FASHION STORY, I currently have two goals to complete, which are both to expand my boutique, so I am slowly saving up some money! Can;t wait to have a new interesting goal! 

(a snapshot of my restaurant, I took this pic just to feel happy about myself for filling up all the counters with food!! looks so rich and yummy!!!) 

3. PET SHOP STORY

Yeah you guessed it, why I downloaded this game, I needed the gems to buy clothes for me, I mean my avatar in FASHION STORY, as I was participating in a contest, and wanted to look good in it! (this is one example on how not to waste your gems) Actually, if you don't mind you can use it for good, but if you save upto 24 gems, you would be able to buy mystery boxes, where I guess, you would be able to catch hold of rare clothes, hairstlyes or displays for your shop for those who want your avatar and your boutique to stand out! I would want to buy one too, so that I can have cool hairstlyes!!

Okay back to PET SHOP STORY! It has been so far, but then again, gems!!! Especially in this game, TAKE EXTRA CARE ON HOW YOU USE YOUR GEMS! Because you would be needing them to buy pets and thus complete a goal! In this game unlike FASHION AND RESTAURANT STORY, you can't design your pet shop, I bet this has been one of Teamlava's first few games. 

(sorry, no pic, cos there is no camera option! as i told earlier, think they haven't come up with the camera feature, as it might be their early games)

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Yeah practically those three games are in my phone now. FS is the best, I am currently addicted to contests!!! RS is oh-kay, would be first choice for guys! PS is ohhh-kayyy cos it takes a long time to get your new pets ready, okay, either it really takes that long, or I am just being impatient!

FS is suitable for all girls!!! Unless you are those kind who would get addicted easily to games, or are too young, (young girls, you might get addicted, studies is important, so please play moderately!)

RS is suitable for guys and girls!!!

PS is suitable for adults, or very patient young players!!! I would say adults as since they are working most of the time, they could play this to take a break! They can also manage their time accordingly as the pets take about a few hours to a few days to be in your pet shop. 

Other Teamlava apps I have used is 'WORD SEARCH' (I have deleted it till they don't give me more gems in FS and RS), 'JEWEL MANIA' (similar to candy crush saga! Do not waste your boosters or gold as you may use them in difficult levels), 'WE PLAY' app, cos I wanted gems in PS to buy a new pet! 

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yep thats about it! I haven't tried bakery or dragon story though I hear people saying they are great games, as I do not want to add neighbours then abandon like how I am gonna abandon RS for now. But maybe I will try the out during hols or when I need gems!! Haha!! So meanwhile, if you wanna try out the games I have listed above, or for current players, if you need new neighbours, feel free to add me at this 

ID - Rohified

my name would be like this ~ rohi ~

download, play, be my neighbour, and have fun!!!!