The Ultimate Goal in Life

Assalaamu alaikum everyone! 

Wow it had been so many days since I returned to my blog. And to see 112 page views is simply an awesome feeling. Alhamdulillah!

Well, the reason for the absence is due to... what do you think? Yes, you got it right!! School!! Been so busy with school, projects, assignments and sooooooo on. Today I had my second last presentation in school. And the final presentation will be next week, so I decided yesterday that I would pop by today to write a post. 

And so, here I am.

Well, even though its supposed to be catch up session of my absence (omg, absence sounds damn weird and scary, let me change it to, hmm..) since its supposed to be catch up session of whatever happened when I was away from my blog, (sounds better right?) today I changed my mind to write up a post about something which happened today.

So today, as I said earlier, had my second last presentation. In the morning, after the usual routine of watching my Sheikh's bayan, I wanted to start up on my presentation. But the program started late, and then after the program ended, I decided to take a nap for a short while, before starting on my presentation.

Had set several alarms on my handphone, and happily went to sleep. My 1st alarm went off, and as usual, I snoozed it and went back to my sleep convincing myself that I would get up at the next alarm. And this went on till my last alarm, and at this moment, thinking that if I chose to dismiss my alarm than to snooz it, I would be telling it in my mind to 'get up, get up, get up, time to prepare your presentation!!!'. 

But I didn't. I slept. Till a moment, where I realised that I hadn't convinced myself to get up, and quickly saw the time on the clock. 1 hr to go before I should leave my home to go to school!

I hurried, but now and then a stupid confidence that I would be able to complete it on time, and that nothing would happen in a negative way.

I was wrong.

I had started my presentation slides, now and then, candy crush crossing my mind to just play one life and get back to work. But I didn't. Alhamdulillah! Then played with my hair for awhile, this is where some of minutes went. Then hurriedly doing my presentation. Finally finished, it was like normal looking, nothing too good, nothing too bad. But still a bit below standard than what I wanted it to be. (sometimes I can be a bit of a perfectionist, yeah as I stated in my 1st post. But the thing is I act opposite of it. Either I want it to be done perfect, or just plain lazy. And yes, most of the time I do the latter. Shhhs (to myself) I should not be revealing too much of my flaws)

Okays so, yeah set off to school. Reached late. Wasted more time due to my carelessness. I was the third to present, and Alhamdulillah, I reached just as the 1st presenter was ending off his presentation. 

When finally, my turn came, I went in front, made dua that I should present well. Then as my Sheikh had taught me, said to myself, no no, Allah had made me say that everyone is non-existent, Allah you are the only existent! And started off. 

I don't know, I always read off from the slides. I know that shouldn't be the way, but yeah this is the lazy me.  (perfectionista me, would have stated a few brief sentences on the slides, and after a glance at the slides, would have recalled what should be said and explain in own words to the audience) Sigh, I should really work upon reaching and being my perfectionista self.

Yeah, and the teacher had found out that my presentation was not up to standard, and even asked me straight, Allah made me tell the truth that yes, it was not my standard level of presentation and that I had just recently started to work upon it.

I felt so terrible, after hearing that she was really disappointed in me. And the rest of them had been way better than me! They had their slides so interactive, so so like my perfectionista me.

After everyone had presented, I set off for home. 

On the way home, I was thinking about what happened earlier. I was very sad. I had thought it was okay, how was I to know that others would have done it so much more better? But still, I shouldn't be blaming others, and instead should be blaming myself. Definitely there are hidden talents in people that could not be seen just by seeing the person.

I was thinking, thinking and thinking. Thinking that I should have prepared it or would prepare it in the future if any task is given, I would start immediately upon it. 

Thinking, what had happened to the girl who did so well during her younger days. Studied well during exam days. What happened to that girl? Where did she go? Was she like that because there was no Internet at that time? Was she like that, as she did not have a laptop? Was she really like that because of all those reasons?

Thinking about what I was going to be in the future. At the rate and state I was currently in my education path, where would it lead me to in the future? Can I land in a respectable job? Can I land in a job that doesn't make me appear in a empathetical state?

Then this thought came. This moment was the turning point in my thoughts. I began to think what I was like really doing? I had been doing my thikir! Yes, remembering Allah! My Sheikh had said that if you get Allah, you have gotten everything. Yes! I should be doing my thikir consistently, and remember my Creator for what He has given me. Healthy body, 2 hands, 2 legs, sight, hearing ability, speech, and most of all a life! Life to remember Him! To worship Him!

Then a sudden boost in confidence that with my thikir, Allah would not make me look in a poor state among others. Furthermore, after being a mureed, to my Sheikh, I should be doing thikir as ordered by him. And voila, inshaa'allah everything would turn out well. 

Who cares about education in dunya when you are aiming for the future in jannah! Yes, even though it is still important to study, 1st priority goes to Him. Then the rest. I realised that I was going in the right track. I was going towards a life aimed at the future.

I felt happy. I have found the ultimate goal in life! :)